just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesnโt mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. Youโre flying for two weddings. Youโre gonna need that first class.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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