Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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