you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
