Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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