dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
