I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I did not marry a roomba.
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