be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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