I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
