im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
