the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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