Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
