Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Let's paint friendship bongs
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
