you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
