I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
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I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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