i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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