i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
