If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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