so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
