I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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