I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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