I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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