I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
