i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
