careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
