I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
