someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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