u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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