Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
