apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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