I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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