The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
