i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
