I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
