It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
