did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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