well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
