I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
