she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
