If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
