so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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