i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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