hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
