I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
