Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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