she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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