I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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