I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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