I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
