Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I will pee on everything he values.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize