i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she pinky promised me she was 18
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
