i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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