I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
