I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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