I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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