apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
