omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
