these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
