Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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