I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
