Will you blow on my dice?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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