Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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