Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
