ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
