even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
