Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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