dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
