Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
