Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
