woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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