I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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