We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
