if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
