Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
