she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
