I cockslap morals
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
