drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
