and you said cock pushups were impossible
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
