You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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