I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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