you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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