So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
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Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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