So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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