i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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