She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Randomize
