Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
